As the third trimester of pregnancy draws to a close, I often wonder how I can devote time to two babies. But when I was pregnant with my first, I wondered how I could parent at all.
See, I think there are so many assumptions when it comes to pregnant women:
- surely you planned this baby and are super excited
- if they weren’t planned, you’re obviously ecstatic anyway
- you must be confident and thrilled to tackle this new period of life
- or you’re overconfident, and clearly must be told horror stories
- you may feel or have felt sick, but you’re so enraptured by the pregnancy that you hardly notice
- you’re mental health is top notch, and totally unaffected by pregnancy hormones
and I think they do a lot more harm than good.
I was not prepared the first time. Nor was I enthusiastic in any way. My mental health was very bad, and that made my physical health poor, too. Luckily, I read enough to feel prepared for birth and breastfeeding, and the first few months with a baby. However, even at the end of my pregnancy, I was mostly interested in not being pregnant just so I’d feel better again.
From talking to other moms, I do not think that my experience is really that unique. And, if these feelings are common, then why do we not talk about them?
So, mama-to-be: it’s okay if you’re not excited. It’s okay to be unsure how you’ll handle parenting—it’s one of those things you can’t truly imagine until it’s happening. It’s normal to feel worried, and like you’re on a ride that’s just going but you’re not sure you want to be there in the first place. It’s fine to not love the changes pregnancy is making to your body. You’re not going to be less good of a mother just because you aren’t giddy and feeling at your womanliest while pregnant. You are allowed to feel intimidated by birth, or breastfeeding, or just having a baby! It’s a huge life change—you’re not crazy.
But here’s the other super-important thing: it will be okay. Do your research—set a plan for how you want to birth, and how you want to raise this baby. Allow yourself to feel your emotions. Write them down, or share them—they are a part of your story, and they aren’t bad or wrong.
I know everyone will have a different experience, but, in the case of my first pregnancy, all of my fearful hormones dissipated the instant the baby was out. I felt overwhelming love for her about 10 hours after the birth, and she’s been one of the greatest parts of my entire life. It really was okay.
But I couldn’t believe that would be how I felt until my hormones shifted. I couldn’t see past them, but I allowed myself to feel how I felt, and planned for the best.
To the worried pregnant mama, I think you’ll be alright. You can do hard things. You’re capable of more than you can even imagine. Trust yourself, and trust that you and your baby are a match made in heaven.
Best of luck.
