I feel like the first 2 months with a new baby are the time when the most adjustment is made; going from ‘okay, how does our family work now?’ to ‘okay, I think we’re kind of settled, now’. But it’s also when you get to experience the unique ‘baby bubble’. That time when you are getting to really know your baby, now that you’re face-to-face; and you’re sort of allowed to forget the world.
Since we’ve made it 8 weeks (already! Somehow…) with baby #2, I thought I’d compare our two ‘baby bubble’ experiences.
After my first baby was born, I nested in for the first two months. The pregnancy had been pretty stressful for me, but having the baby was wonderful. As a result, I just didn’t want to see anyone––I wasn’t ready to share my new life yet, and, to be completely blunt, I didn’t care what was going on with anyone else. I simply wanted to soak in every last bit of my baby. At the time, Todd worked from home. Life was a cycle of 6 diaper changes a night (she was very particular), clumsy feedings; an excess of baby cuddles; wet clothes (from a variety of liquids); and marathoning tv shows. Honestly, it was such calm time; it was lovely, even if it baby was demanding. It was a such a stark difference from the pregnancy, and I enjoyed every minute of our insular family time. My mom came out when Gwendolyn was 3 days old, and helped with nights, and meals, and cleaning. Then, after she left, we survived the rest of the time on freezer meals, and Kneader’s. We did have to readjust, unfortunately, at that point, because my mom had been taking Gwendolyn for half the night, and so we had to re-figure-out how to do things with just two adults. When the 8 weeks (for baby’s immune system) was up, we felt like we knew what we were doing, for the most part, and were able to get back into the swing of things again.
With our second baby, we stayed in with just the four of us for the first 3 weeks. Todd had 5 entire weeks of paternity leave (it was as amazing as it sounds), and with Gwendolyn’s birthday coming up, we thought we’d just keep to ourselves until her birthday party. This allowed us the time to adjust to balancing two kids’ needs, with no pressure to see anyone sooner. Having Todd available to run the house, and especially to hang out with Gwendolyn was great; and the first 3 weeks went pretty well. Gwendolyn was a high-needs baby, who required lots of walking, and rocking, and breastfeeding. Our second, Harry, is much, much more chill, and, to be honest, I’ve found his relaxed nature difficult, because I expected him to be more awake, and needy. I’ve been unsure what to do (with Gwendolyn as my ‘normal’). Unfortunately, when he was more needy, I found I was pretty bad at ‘fixing’ him. Todd figured out all the things that made him feel better. So, I was left feeling like I had an ambivalent baby whose needs I wasn’t good at meeting. This has made things a bit difficult for me, and I only recently began to feel like I had found any ‘stride’. Also, trying to bond with a––very sleepy––newborn when I still had a toddler who started to really miss me after about 2 weeks made the ‘bubble’ less about soaking in the baby, and more about trying to meet everyone’s needs.
It’s been a pretty massive adjustment.
Since Todd had such a long paternity leave, I asked my mom to come out once he went back to work––to give me more time where another adult could help out during the day. I was mostly worried that, if she came out at the beginning, we’d get used to not watching Gwendolyn, and then it’d be a hard transition once she left. Ultimately, I think that was the right choice. With my partner gone during the days again, I now had a ‘helper’ while I tried to balance two kids on my own. I was really worried once she left, but it’s actually been alright. Definitely not as bad as I thought it’d be. At the end of this second 8 weeks, I do feel like we’re functionally adjusted, and can start back into our regular life more.
The main difference between the first and second ‘baby bubble’ period, for me, has been: the first time was a release of anxiety, so I wanted to just be alone. This time, however, I’m so overtaken with meeting children’s needs, I actually feel a pretty strong need to see other adults. Plus, I’ve been having some postpartum anxiety, and it does seem to be helped with socialization. This is hard, because I don’t have the capacity to really host social occasions, and a chatty, attention-hungry toddler + fussy baby + tried parents isn’t most people’s idea of a fun get-together.
Ultimately, though, we have made sure––both times––that we took the time to just be together as a family, and learned how to fit in a new little person. 8 weeks into things, we start to get into a groove. Even with things shifting, we finally have a vision of our new normal.
How did you find your ‘baby bubble’ time? Or, if you’re expecting, how do you hope that time will go? I’d love to hear!
