Being pregnant for the second time, it’s really easy to compare the differences in how things have gone both times.
I’ve found, as a general rule, there’s this particular portrait painted of pregnancy that I’m pretty sure isn’t actually the reality for most people. It’s: looking perfect despite growing a human; surely you’re obsessed with all trivial things baby; feeling your best, or at least feeling so excited that it covers up the discomforts of pregnancy; not really worrying, because how could having tiny human not be pure bliss; and everything going as smooth as physically possible.
I remember doing some reading while pregnant, and actually feeling quite isolated—like the author couldn’t even fathom me, because I definitely didn’t fit their description of a pregnant person.
The thing is: everyone is different. Everyone’s circumstance is different; and each mother/baby pair are different. Just because you’re not having the same experience as some public figure, or your sister-in-law, or your mother did doesn’t mean that your experience is wrong. And I don’t think we’re told that enough.
So, for any other pregnant moms, I thought I’d share what I wish I’d know the first time I was pregnant.
It’s Okay to Be Worried
I’ve mentioned before, but, the light of my life (my daughter), was not planned. Though we wanted to have kids someday, it was not that day, and I was not happy. Even while pregnant, I only ‘wanted’ to have baby once I was ‘too pregnant to enjoy life’. And that’s not a great motivator. You’re allowed to be nervous—about having a baby, about how that will change your life, your dynamic with your partner, about your body, about anything. It’s okay. You’re still you, and a person—not just a mom—and you can feel how you feel. If my experience shows anything, it’s that it will 100% be okay in the end. Better than okay. Gwendolyn is the best thing to ever happen ever. #noregrets. You’ll feel great one day, but you’re allowed to feel how you want to now; don’t let anyone try to tell you otherwise.
“yes” 
the day we found out – freaking out internally, hence the tootsie pop and cat
Problem? Go See a Doctor!
I had no intimate experience being around pregnant people, and I never knew what was ‘normal’ or not. In fact, I made on entire post on this earlier in the series. If you are having a lot of pain, or some other pregnancy ‘normal’ thing that just doesn’t feel right, it literally won’t hurt to just go ask a medical professional. Your postpartum body will probably thank you.
Take Care of You
One of my first pregnancy ‘signs’ my first time was terrible back pain for days after teaching Zumba. I thought I was just getting over a plateau or something, but when I discovered I was pregnant, I stopped, just to be safe. It’s best to be safe. But I took it a bit too far (probably those downer pregnancy hormones I had), and was very inactive. I’d have 1-3 weeks where I’d do okay….but then I’d skip a month or two. You matter, and what you do, or don’t matters. Not just to your baby, but to you in the future.
Find a Group
I didn’t have a ton of connections, and saw most of my friends less regularly than I do now, but I still saw people even less early on. That’s not ideal. You need to be able to talk about the changes your experience, and your thoughts. After Gwendolyn was born, I found a mom group on facebook that I loved (no longer there, unfortunately), and it was a complete game-changer for me. I could help other moms, and get help or advice on anything. Now, I don’t have a strong online community, but I see my friends as least once a week, and have a couple of real-life groups I attend. When I was pregnant the first time, I didn’t want to go to anything before I had a baby, because I felt weird. It’s not weird. Having a group will do so much more for you than going and feeling a nervous beforehand will bother you. You need support, mama!
I recommend checking out you local babywearing group, La Leche League, or Hike It Baby, for the more outdoorsy parent.
You Control the Narrative
Now, I do know that hormones play a role. I was angsty and sad the first time—but the second that baby popped out, it turned off like a light switch. But, even with hormones, you still get to control the narrative, no matter what goes on during your pregnancy. My first time, I focused so much on how what I wanted to be doing—besides parenting—wouldn’t be feasible. Everything was changing. I wasn’t ready.
This time, I know I can do it. I know that even the worst bits will only last so long. Not that huge of a deal (for the most part). As a result, this time, I feel super chill. Like, I know there’s a baby in there, but let’s talk about how I feel! Oh, and we’ll figure things out the closer it gets to birth time.
Did I miss anything? Is there anything you’d add to this list?
Mama. Pregnancy is hard. But you can do hard things. You were made for this. How you are is perfect, but, still, don’t forget to do those things that’ll make life better for you in the long run. You got this. You’re amazing.
