Before and during my second pregnancy, I was concerned. I felt such love for my oldest that I often wondered how I could really love another child as much as her. It didn’t help that, when we adopted Seung Jo, I said that’d be great practice for learning to love a second (second cat in this case)…but I ended up still liking Wendy more until relatively recently.
best cat 
rude böi
I know I’m not alone, though. I’ve seen posts from many, many mothers expressing this same fear: will I be able to love another like I love my first; or, if I do, will I still feel connected with my first?
The answer, dear mothers, is yes. Yes, you can love a second baby.
Much like how you can’t truly know what it’s like to be a parent until you have your own children, you can’t really grasp how you can love another when you’ve only got one—your moon and all your stars. In fact, loving a second may even come more naturally.
With my first, I didn’t expect to have that rush of love that you always hear about. But when we were finally alone (12 hours later), I had that feeling. It was lovely, and helped me feel bonded to her. When my son was born, I never had that rush of love, but it’s because I just always had it there. I was excited to welcome a new little one, and I knew I enjoyed parenthood, and loved who my first was. My confidence in my abilities and my excitement created that love; so when he was born, I already knew I loved him. It was less emotional and more factual, but it was just as strong.
I’ve always said that, if I were able to hand-pick traits for a child, I would end up with Gwendolyn. She’s absolutely the product of myself and Todd, and exactly what I dreamed of. Smart, funny, shy and introverted, precocious. With those feelings, I had a hard time imagining how I would feel as connected to another child whom, I expected, wouldn’t be quite as similar to me. However, I did want my two babies to get along, so I often said it’d be best if he was chill, and just wanted to be along for the ride, considering the sister he has.
The crazy thing is, Harry is that person. He’s just happy to be involved. He loves his sister (and has since he was in the womb), and watching her; he isn’t high-needs…overall, he’s just a very happy, friendly, relaxed boy. I attribute those traits to the happy, social pregnancy I had with him. That sets him apart from the rest of our family, though.
He’s nothing I could have imagined, with his cheerful, social, relaxed demeanor. Still, he’s exactly the perfect fit for us. He and Gwendolyn compliment each other so much. He reminds me to be lower emotion (as he’s h i g h l y empathetic), and to just enjoy being in the moment. He loves hanging out with his dad, too, which is a lovely experience for Todd.
It took me a little bit to feel like I really understood him—and having Todd ‘get’ him sooner was a bit hard. However, I couldn’t have two babies that wouldn’t take dad, so it was okay in the end. The first couple of weeks, I missed spending as much time with my daughter, but once I figured Harry out, I find that I still felt those ‘gimme-all-the-new-baby-snuggles’. Gwendolyn is such an amazing big sister, and she keeps impressing me every day—she just adores her brother! After 14 months (as of when this was written), I feel like I’m maybe functional again, so my relationship with Gwendolyn is returning to normal, too. I think I have the best kids.
And I love them—both of them—immensely.
