how to deal with picky eaters

Feeding kids can be a nightmare, right? That’s just how it goes…or maybe not.

(Disclaimer: I would like to say that my kid currently has 3 different kinds of mac ’n cheese in our fridge, and asks for chocolate chips every day. Like grown ups, kids go through phases of foods they’re really into.)

When I was pregnant with Gwendolyn, I knew we needed to think about how we were going to handle food. See, Todd and I are both very picky eaters, and we wanted to give our child a better chance to have less stressful eating experiences.

I don’t do: potatoes, tomatoes (for the most part), beans, seafood, Mexican food; also I’m lactose intolerant, and should limit cheese, though that’s spotty.

Todd doesn’t do: most fruits, tomatoes (ever), seafood (for the most part), Mexican food (sometimes we agree), and is not very keen on pasta.

Basically, please don’t ever try to make food for us.

But the foods on these lists really are unpalatable for us, so we wanted to try and set Gwendolyn up for greater success with foods. And, at least so far (only one child who is 2), it’s working really, really well. Here are the rules we follow:

1. Don’t force kids to eat any specific food. If it’s a new food, it could take several tries before they warm up to it. It’s no big deal. Does your kid love a certain healthy food, but stops eating it? They loved it before; it’s just a phase. Let them know how yummy you think it is, but don’t force it on them.
2. Don’t make a fuss if they don’t eat a food. No need to even bring it up. From Todd and my experiences, that pressure can create a negative association with that food. Maybe they just don’t feel like it. If I eat the same kind of food regularly enough, I get tired of it, and stop making it all together for a while. Remember, kids are people, too.
3. Don’t keep them at the table if they don’t eat their meal. This one can be tricky, because we want to make sure our kids are getting enough. But the thing is, sometimes, they genuinely might not be hungry. Sure, they may have had a small lunch, and you think they should eat, but either they really aren’t hungry, or they’ll ask to eat once they are. The other day, Gwendolyn didn’t eat much lunch, and had three different foods about an hour before dinner. She didn’t touch dinner, which bugged me at first, but then I remembered: she was probably full.
4. Don’t give kids foods you don’t want them to eat all the time. I know that as kids get older, you’ll likely let them have dessert, and they obviously can’t have that all the time, but this rule applies to other foods. If I don’t want Gwendolyn to have candy, or french fries (Todd has introduced those to her, unfortunately)…I just don’t give them to her. With kids, there is no ‘just once’. They may beg occasionally, but until they’ve actually tired a junk food, they won’t be asking for it all the time; at least not as passionately. The number of times I hear people lamenting (and I’m included in this) that their kid will only eat X food is crazy to me. If you don’t want them to love a food, don’t give it to them. They have the rest of their lives to eat sugar, and junk food. Putting it off, religiously, for 1-to-however-many years isn’t going to damage them. I promise, they won’t remember being denied ice cream at 1 year old.
5. Don’t tell them they won’t like something. I know it seems too spicy, or like a food for a ‘grown up’ palette, but I have a theory that half the reason our kids only eat beige foods at mealtimes is because that’s all we let them eat! So, let them have sharp cheese, or something a little spicy, or fancy. It just sets them up for failure to tell them they won’t like something. Everyone’s tastes are different, and people all over the world enjoy a wide variety of flavors and spiciness—if your kid doesn’t like what they tried, get them some water and move on. But I’ll bet you that, at least once, they’ll surprise you.

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As a result of applying these rules, these are some ‘non-kid’ foods Gwendolyn enjoys:

Broccoli

Tofu

Goat cheese (it’s her favourite)

Romano, straight from the block

Peas, even just frozen

Carrots

Charcuterie

Hilariously on-time for this blog post, she also just learned to  l o v e  a food she previously didn’t like at all!

I got out some freezer jam a couple of months ago, and was excited to share it with her, as it’s one of my favourite things. She was very interested, but took one bite, and declared, “Don’t like it!”. I was kinda sad we couldn’t share that food, but left it alone. She then proceeded to tell me she didn’t like jam every. single. time. I got it out for myself, and even at random times in the middle of the day. It was crazy. Very anti-jam. Then, this morning, she asked for some of my toast with jam, and told me she loved it! She ate half my breakfast, and is now eating another piece of bread with jam on it. I never pushed the issue, only said that I liked it. But I think having mom like it, and never being pressured allowed her the space to decide to try it again, on her own terms.

That’s our process, but sometimes kids can be extra extra stubborn. What then? Let’s do a little troubleshooting.

My kid rejects every meal I give them.

Today, I had a friend share that, if her child doesn’t want what’s served, he is allowed to eat any fruits or vegetables instead. I think this is an excellent idea—one that I’ll be saving for later—because it keeps you from making another meal, gives them choices, and is nutritious. If they have a hard time choosing, you could even set out a plate with a variety of fruits, veg, and nuts, and just let them pick at it to see what they like.

My kid will literally only eat X, and it’s basically useless (garbage/non-nutitional) food. 

My advice here requires more effort: take away that food. Gwendolyn was sick a month ago, and wasn’t eating—only nursing—but she needed to have something, because I needed a break. The only thing we got her to eat was ice cream. Once she was better, she requested ice cream a lot more, but we put our foot down. Did she cry and reject everything else we offered? Yes. But, especially if your kids are young, it really is easier to just fix what you’re not happy with now, rather than deal with a kid who has been eating a certain way for a decade. Helpful hint: if it’s a food marketed just to kids, your kid would probably be better off without it.

My kids can never decide what to eat.

To be honest, I can hardly decide what to eat myself, so when Gwendolyn is also indecisive, I have trouble dealing. I recently read that Chrissy Teigen literally made a menu book for her kids with pictures of the food, so they can look and decide. I am seriously considering doing that in the future, as it seems useful for me to have those ideas in a book, too.

If you’ve got picky eaters in your house, I really hope at least one of these tips can help make meal times a little smoother for you. But I also want to hear from you: do you have any other tips for working with picky eaters? Have you tried any of the ones we use, and were they helpful?

Just remember: in many other countries, the stereotype of picky children doesn’t exist, and children are excited to eat food with the adults—so we can have kids who aren’t picky eaters, too!