Is anyone else sick of people actively shaming the moms who have it (relatively) together? These are often the ones saying they feel shamed by a million blog posts, too. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve read blog posts railing on how much the authors don’t like moms who: exercise, live in white houses, homeschool, don’t use screens, or have kids that eat vegetables.
I know I only have one kid—for now—and I know that children each come with their own personalities, but these mom’s aren’t doing crazy things. They are just very committed to certain things. Doing these things doesn’t mean they are better or more perfect. And, since most of these things apply to me, I’m going to self-medicate by unpacking why all these things these other moms hate are ridiculous to pick on.
- Exercise: If I don’t exercise my mental health, very noticeably, suffers. That’s the main reason I do it now, even though I exercise very sporadically. Also, exercise is very important to us humans, and hanging out with one toddler all day doesn’t actually provide that much physical exercise (mental, yes). You wouldn’t be mad at someone for taking their medications, so stop being mean to people that exercise.
- White houses: Some may think it’d be annoying to live in, because you’d see dirt. But that dirt would be there regardless. In my white house, I can see it, and that means I’m more likely to clean it, personally. Why shame a paint color? Negative space soothes me!
- Homeschool: As someone who was homeschooled, and plans to, and has friends who plan to…I don’t care if others don’t want to do to it, and prefer to put their kids in public school. It isn’t easy, so maybe let’s give a nod to those women who do it, and keep walking; homeschooling is hard enough.
- Screen-free: Some people have no problem with it, some do a little, and some people do none. Everyone’s got a different schedule and family dynamic, so what works best will look different in each home. Screen-free families are allowed to have different priorities. If you do want to reduce the amount time in your home, it is possible. Start with little goals. We went from 1 hour a day, to an hour once or twice a week. Who cares what others are doing?
- Eating healthy: Kids only really want what they’ve had before. If there’s something you don’t’ want to serve regularly, just don’t give it to them at all! I know. Radical. Serving vegetables in a way you like, and not offering foods you’d rather they didn’t ingest will likely result in more veg-friendly kids. We also never force vegetable-eating, and she has always come around.
If any of these points are areas of stress in your home, I’ll tell you what I remind myself when the going gets tough, and I wonder if sticking to my guns is worth it:
It’s easier to fight this battle now, than after your kids have had 10 years doing things one way, and trying to change. Not that you can’t change them at that point (go you!), but the younger they are, the easier it is.
Let’s all be nicer to other moms, and let others have room to grow. Support where you can, turn away where you can’t. Friends are better than not having more friends.
