extolling my mother-in-law  | a greener anthropocene reviewed

Generally speaking, rating people point-blank is sort of frowned upon. Despite this, I would like to go ahead today and review my mother-in-law, Gaylene.

I first met Gaylene when I was 19 years old. At the time, I had been dating my now-husband, Todd, for a few months, after being best friends for half a year. After pitching the idea of me meeting his family, Todd decided to prepare me for this meeting by caricaturing his family members in a fairly unflattering light. This, naturally led me to feeling a bit nervous to meet this apparently-strange family. “Hello, I’m Lindsay, and I’m in love with your son.” The one person who I didn’t anticipate to be odd, from his impersonations, was his mother. And that, very thankfully, ended up being correct.

Shortly after our first meeting, when we began visiting his family’s home on the weekends, I felt very at-ease with Gaylene, as she was so welcoming, and interested in getting to know me. When there’s a new family to get to know with 6 children (and a bunch of extended family I’d met that first meeting), having someone actually take the time to get to know you is a relief. Not to mention that I knew when Todd and I had started dating that this had a huge chance of being ‘it’. The surprise at how easy it was to talk with her had me talking…a lot. So we got close with ease.

Over the 11 years since then, I have found that Gaylene’s super power is attentive listening. I have learned so much from watching her listen to others. Even when she might not be that interested about a topic, or may even disagree, she just has this amazing ability to to listen, ask appropriate questions, and just hear someone out. Seeing how one can forge connection in this accepting way has made me strive to be better at listening as well. It is now my strongly-held belief that everyone just wants to be validated, and that giving validation is a precious gift that you can give someone—especially to someone who is feeling passionate, or any strong emotion. It’s holding space, and letting someone else know you’re there.

I may be flattering myself, but in several ways, I feel like Gaylene and I are similar. We both have a love of interior design, and for years, I made a point of finding what was new in the Greener house when I visited (they had recently build their dream house, and had only just moved in when I started visiting). We also both spend a lot of time—perhaps inordinate amounts—finding the ‘perfect thing’ for whatever occasion, be it a gift; planning a party; or a buying a fly swatter: because why would you not get the most joy-sparking one available, if you had to option to? And that intense care translates to how we see the world, as well. Both of us think hard on our beliefs, and what we want to do—for example, in parenting—and feel satisfaction from executing well on our goals in those regards.

In early 2014, Todd and I got married, and in late 2014, Gaylene was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer. It was a huge shock, and we had no idea how much time we’d have together. Amazingly, she has just passed 9 years since her diagnosis date! And this time has been such a blessing to everyone.

Todd and my oldest child, who shares initials with Gaylene, have such a special bond. I know thinking of our daughter has helped Gaylene when she’s been going through the worst of things, but Grandma is such a beloved figure in our daughter’s life, too. They have a connection, and seeing them together is always a treat, because they just jive so well.

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Throughout the years, visiting Grandma’s house has always been something the kids look forward to. Currently, Gaylene is hiding ceramic fairies is her, now-mature, well-planned garden. Our daughter thinks they are arriving magically, and it’s a lovely little ritual that I know she’ll always remember, as she grows up.

Over the years, I have talked to my friends, and so many other moms, and mother-in-laws are almost always a point of tension in families. I am so lucky to have one of the exceptions to that stereotype. I still remember talking with friends once, and saying that my in-laws had stopped by unannounced that weekend. Everyone rushed in with sympathetic apologies, until I corrected them—we were delighted to have had a surprise visit (which had never happened before) on an otherwise mundane day.

Back in that first year of dating Todd, meeting Gaylene was a huge green flag in his favour. I feel grateful to have met such a wonderful partner, But I also feel extremely blessed to have a ‘second mother’ in Gaylene, who loves me, and out whole family so well.

Todd, I rate your mom 5 stars.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★