A train of thought I’ve been on for the last few years is how important rituals are to the human experience. Historically, humans all over the globe have had things to look forward to, often on a monthly basis. Even if each ritual or festival wasn’t Christmas-level-big, it still set a sense of pace for the year, and gave people activities they could find comfort and reliability in. In fact, I would wager that a lot of Americans are interested in lots of different cultures (whichever strikes each individual’s fancy) in decent part because of the sense of place an community other places offer through their celebrations.
Here, it’s so easy to ‘just not’ with things. Not bother going out of your way, or being inconvenienced. Not want to put in enough effort to set the tone. Not having to participate, because you really don’t have to. And it makes sense in some ways. The over-commercialized celebrations (like Valentine’s Day) are annoying. I don’t want to buy a bunch of trash that I’d have to store or just throw away for every holiday. I’m not Irish—why should I feel less-than for not turning my milk green, or hosting a treasure hunt every year?
Okay, so we can feel good about rejecting consumer culture. It’s even alright to choose to not celebrate lots of different days. But if rituals are a huge way to cultivate meaning and rhythms in our lives, what do we do to attain the value brought by rituals and traditions outside of the commercialized-model?
Well, the options are kind of endless. Since it can difficult to determine how you can add more traditions—big and small—I want to share some that we do, and hopefully you’ll get some inspiration from those, or realize that you already have some rituals, and just need to think about them that way.
Hourly:
I check my phone. Nothing new here!
Daily:
start or end your day with a warm drink. Like, 4 years ago, when thinking about what rhythms I could look forward to in my everyday, I realized Todd and I already made a cup of Crio Bru as soon as the kids were in bed for the night most nights. Once I realized this, we made sure we made it every night. It sounds so stupid, I’m sure, to anyone who doesn’t have this as a mini ritual, but when Todd does the entire Bru process without me even mentioning it, even if it’s more than once a day, I always feel sorta touched? And looked after. It feels really nice. Todd has expressed that he feels the same way when I make the Bru. Regular reader may know that we have way more than one cup a day now, but it a l w a y s makes us feel good. We have the time slots we have Bru during, and it’s just part of the daily rhythm. What would work for you? Crio bru, tea, coffee, a hot chocolate?
daily family check in. I have an entire blog post about this, so I won’t go into too much detail here, but at dinnertime, our family always asks each other the same 3 questions about our day. We can talk about other stuff, too, but asking these questions ensures we always have something to talk about, and gives us insights into each others’ days. You could do a check in with your partner at the end of the day, or maybe even do a rundown of what needs to happen in the morning.
take a walk. One tradition we’ve done on and off over the years is a family walk at the end of the day. We go after dinner, before our family tidy time. Not only is it good for digestion, but it also lets everyone move around before picking up, and then winding down for the day. The best part about this is you can do this at whichever time is the most convenient for you. We only walk for about 10-30 minutes.
talking about the day. When we do bedtime with the kids, one thing we’ve been doing for, oh gosh, probably 5 years now, is to talk about the day. This gives them a chance to unload and synthesize. In the future, I plan to go into more detail about this. Implement this with your kids, or partner. Maybe set a timer—10 minutes for them, 10 for you. Just expressing what happened, even on ‘boring’ days, has a calming effect as you unload what you’ve been carrying.
reading. There are a million ways to implement this one, so I’ll just share a couple of ways this can look. I have found, personally, that reading is the best way for me to go to sleep (unless the book is too exciting). Unfortunately, I’ve not been doing that as much recently—which may be why I’ve read way less books this year. Set aside time before bed, or after work, or during lunch to just take 30 minutes—or more if you want to!—to read a book. Even if you’re not super into it, this will help you get through whatever the book is in a decent amount of time. It’s good for your brain, and it feels cozy. Obviously, for parents, you can also read books to your kids at bedtime, or whenever else works for you.
Weekly:
cooking or baking. Most weeks, we have a dessert. Whether you make a dessert together at home, or go out for a treat, this can be a fun weekly tradition. If you go out, you can pair this with a walk. If you bake at home, you can make the same recipe, or have family members take turns choosing. Alternatively, you could bake bread once a week, or have one night where the whole family pitches in to make dinner together. The sky’s the limit with this one.
see friends. Every weekend, me and one of my very best friends hang out. Her family recently moved out of Provo, so it’s a bit of a drive now, but it’s important to us, so we make it work. I know from experience that, especially when things are busy or hard, it can be so, so easy to just not see other people—not want to add to the stress in your schedule, or even spend time with others when you’re having a rough time. But, spending time with those your care about has an undeniably huge impact on your mental health, so it is always worth it. If you can schedule it on the same day every week, even better: it’ll just become part of your routine. It’s good for you!
get outside. We like to take a weekly bike ride. Since we enjoy biking together, having a day in mind that we usually go out ensures we do, in fact, get out. You can swap this out with going for a walk somewhere specific; hiking at various locations; or going to a park. Outdoor time is so valuable, whatever you choose will probably improve your week.
watch something together. A lot of times, Todd and I watch shows together. But, even when we don’t have a show, we have many YouTubers we watch weekly. Back in 2020, we started watching more together, and now it’s just ~a thing~. In the last year, we’ve started watching an abundance of urbanist content, too, which we always have fun with. It seems like a group I’m a part of may start a weekly tv show watching party, which I’m interested in. Whether it’s a show, YouTube, or a family movie night—watching something with others every week can be fun while filling up your cup to keep loneliness at bay, and gives you an outlet to discuss themes, ideas, or just share laughs with others.
check in with friends and family. I recently realized that I just wasn’t talking enough regularly with some of my best friends who live far away. I’d think about them a lot, but months would pass by in a flash without us ever talking. So, I put reminders in my phone to text different people on different days. Right now, I have a Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday text reminder, though I want add one more. Yes, this isn’t long phone conversations, but checking in via text allows us to keep in touch, and know a little about what’s going on with each other, and feel like there are people who know what’s up with us and who we can be there for, even if we aren’t in close proximity. Plus, texting allows you to respond in your own time, so you don’t have to sync up your schedules. No one dislikes this.
Monthly:
visit with friends and family you don’t see as much. In the past, Todd and I always did a weekly, or at least monthly visit to see his parents. These days, I am planning to have—at minimum—monthly meetings with one of my good friends. Sometimes, once a month is what you can do, and it’s nice to make it happen. If you have lots of people you can’t see often, you could even make this a weekly thing, in that you see a different person every Saturday (parents one week, fav sibling another; busy friend another; etc.). But, in the end, you’d just see these harder-to-see people once a month. If meeting in person isn’t possible, set up a monthly Facetime.
visit somewhere you like. Whether this is a place that’s a bit of a drive to get to, or your favourite restaurant, you can often carve out time once a month to enjoy that thing (it doesn’t have to cost money). Our family loves going to the bookstore. We don’t go every month, but I would say we go most months of the year. It’s a place we all enjoy for the vibes, and the things we can get (though we don’t buy books every time). Maybe you prefer to wander your favourite plant nursery, or you give yourself a set amount you can spend during a solo trip to Target. I bet you already have at least one place in your mind right now.
Yearly:
outdoor experiences. Every spring, once it gets warm, I prune our yard. Maybe this sounds like a lame tradition to you, and maybe it is! But I’m the one who does it, though the kids usually get interested, and help out. Seasonal chores absolutely help create a rhythm to your year. We enjoy the farmer’s market in the summer and fall. We also try to get out and walk downtown in the autumn. It’s just what we do that time of year. What things do you find you do most years during specific seasons?
drives. Like with outdoor experiences, drives can be a ritual, too. Every Fall, we drive the Alpine loop at some point. We also go up Hobble Creek Canyon at least once. Maybe you like to drive to see holiday lights (for a variety of holidays), or enjoy a canyon drive in the summer. These count, too.
trips. We’re millennials, so we don’t travel much. But we have started a tradition of going up to my in-law’s cabin, close to Yellowstone, every year before school starts. It’s a simple trip, and Todd (especially) and I have been to Yellowstone lots of times. But it’s nice to get away, and have a trip we can count on each year. Maybe you go camping—even in your own yard—or do a staycation, or spend 1-2 nights in a hotel locally. Whatever you budget, you can create a little ‘getaway’ to enjoy.
holiday celebrations. This one is obvious, and everyone has their own traditions for the major holidays. But maybe there’s that one things you don’t really like doing every year that everyone else does that you could start thinking of them as an important ritual for the season. You can also choose to participate in holidays more. Up until last year, I was a Halloween Grinch. I literally considered it irrelevant, and didn’t take my kids trick-or-treating, outside of like 5 houses, until my second was 2. Todd had to get candy to hand out, because I didn’t care. However, my kids started being so excited, I decided to figure out how to make it work for me last year. And we’ve been having fun this season. Since our anniversary is around Valentine’s Day, it feels to Todd and I almost like it’s a celebration just for us. We always go out—but never on Valentine’s Day. Every year, before school starts, we go and make a candle for the upcoming year’s tea time. One of my best friends grew up celebrating Groundhog Day every year by watching the film and eating meatloaf. Where can you boost up the fun factor a little in ways that feel good to you?
Hopefully, by now, you realize that you already have lots of traditions and rituals, but maybe you weren’t taking full advantage of them, or maybe now you can think of them more reverently, and hold them a little bit dearer to you.
As you slowly start implementing more of them, or honoring the little ones that you do day-to-day, I hope you feel more connected—to yourself, to those you care about, and to time, and the day—or year—itself.
Good luck!
