Do you ever have times when it feels like your life is a string off errands and appointments, barely leaving time to keep up with the house and cooking? In my experience, as soon as it starts to get to you, then your kid starts getting more difficult, too. Being over-energetic and wanting to play at bed time; eating less; being whinier and clingier. I used to think that sort of thing was just part of the circle of life. Although it can be to some extent, there’s a way that we, as parents, can mitigate the childrens’ reaction—and when I read about it in Simplicity Parenting, it just clicked.
On & off days.
Everyone, especially children, needs routine, but they also need days to just be kids. To play at home, to do nothing, to have no agenda. Isn’t it always the new experience, or the end of a long week that finally does them in?
The basic goal here is to plan ‘off days’ during the week to offset your ‘on days’.
pc: joey johnson
An on day could be a series of errands that takes up 5 hours of your alls day, a big event or gathering, or an emotionally stressful day. After one or more of these days, your developing little is sure to be feeling worn out, or overstimulated. The results could be clinginess, over-excitedness, or any manner of unpleasant behavior.
Enter: the off day. You stay home, you take it slow. You connect with each other, or finally get the space you’ve been needing. You’ll know your family best. If you’ve spend 5 hours in the car running errands the previous day (I did last week, and it sucked), maybe just stay home the next day, and read or tidy together. If you’ve just had a big event—like visiting relatives they don’t see often, or going somewhere exciting—you might need two off days afterward, to reset; or a quiet day before and after.
The number of days you can, or need, to have be off days totally depends on your family, your schedule, and your kids’ personalities. You’ll be able to plan some off days ahead, but others you’ll just set aside as you go.
I have personally noticed off days working wonders for us after a hectic day or two, or a bigger event. Before, Gwendolyn might have been unable to fully unwind, and settle back into regular life, which would just mean that, a few days later, she’d be really difficult. But by consciously taking the time to figure out a better balance, we have a more peaceful home life.
Now, maybe you’re thinking ‘this would be great, but with my schedule, I don’t have room for more than 1 off day a week, if that’. No fear! Right now, Gwendolyn and I are out of the house every weekday for about 3 hours. As a family, we often go do something, even if it’s just a grocery run, once or twice a week. And we have Church and Soup Night on Sundays. That’s a lot. And, honestly, my ‘goal’ would be 3 off days a week, but that just won’t work right now. However, there are still things you can do!
- Make one weekly grocery list, so you don’t have to make multiple trips in a week
- Double up where you can (I needed a few grocery items, and to return something to target, so I just went there to save a second trip)
- Don’t spread everything out (I used to make 1-2 stops after our ‘scheduled’ appointments several days of the week. Now, I try to do it all just one day, so we can get home sooner the other days—it’ really makes a huge, huge difference)
- Keep your home tidy, so time at home can be used for relaxing, fun, and connection
This past Saturday, to keep things slow, we spent time together as a family all morning. Then, Gwendolyn suggested both that: we walk the cats (they were ecstatic); and that we make a chocolate cake. The rest of the day was spent hanging out together, while Todd finished up a project, and Gwendolyn played or mopped for fun.
wendy 
baek seung jo
The concept of on & off days has honestly been one of the most valuable to me as a parent, and I really hope that it helps you, too. It’s amazing how well we can get along, and how good our kids and ourselves can feel if we just make an effort to slow things down when we can.
Good luck!
