I am 32 weeks pregnant this week, which means I’m in the final (super, super long) haul. This week just happens to be world breastfeeding week, too, so I thought I’d share my experience breastfeeding throughout pregnancy.
Prior to getting pregnant, I was a bit concerned about having my milk supply dry up if I got pregnant, because I’d heard that was pretty common. Well, I got pregnant (obviously), and it has definitely not been an easy journey.
Now, before I go on, you may be asking: why keep nursing if it was such a pain? What’s the point? For a lot of pregnant mamas, the why isn’t enough (and I totally get it). My why’s are:
- nursing has always been a very, very special and important part of mine and Gwendolyn’s relationship
- nursing is often the only way that she feels better when upset, or after a hard day, and it is THE only way she goes to sleep
- I plan to tandem nurse my babies
- I fully expect that tandem feeding will help with sibling bonding, and reduce jealousy
Basically, I wasn’t ready to force my toddler to stop when she so clearly still needed what breastfeeding offers (like when we were all sick the entire first trimester), and I didn’t want to end this cure-all for bad days/exceptional way to connect. Now, back to the story:
A few weeks after discovering I was pregnant, breastfeeding became so painful, I had to clench my body when she latched; and she was sick, so she latched a lot. But we worked through a few bad weeks. I was so happy—we had pushed through the pregnancy-nursing pain!
However, after a couple of good weeks, the pain was back again. It was for shorter the second time…but I only had one or two weeks where it didn’t hurt before the pain started a g a i n. The next several weeks were slightly less painful, but still uncomfortable—and then came the terrible nursing aversion.
(Nursing aversion is a documented sensation where nursing causes you to feel very unpleasant, or uncomfortable, among other things. My personal symptoms are feeling like my skin is crawling all over, pain, and—one of the more common problems—feelings of rage.)
Basically, after breastfeeding for 30 minutes, I couldn’t stand it, but she was nursing much more than usual, because there was hardly anything left, and she was trying to get some proper milk.
Being a very big overproducer (still leaking through shirts at 15 months postpartum), I was upset that my milk was clearly dropping at 10 weeks, and I went a few weeks with nothing at all after a couple of months of it slowly disappearing. Other moms reported having their colostrum come in weeks prior to where I was, and still others said it took them until 36 weeks. Sleep was becoming more of an issue, because Gwendolyn was used to sipping on and off through the night, but was getting nothing, and therefore spending a lot of time trying very hard to get something. I wasn’t sure how I was going to hang on until possibly 36 weeks…
Because I’d asked, she’d told me before that the milk had run out. While on vacation, she told me my milk was “all gone”. Daggers.
But, finally, at 24 weeks, it came back!
Gwendolyn told me numerous times that both sides had milk again. As a result, she began nursing during the day a lot more. My aversion still wasn’t gone, and my milk wasn’t back with a vengeance or anything: but it was there. And that was such a relief and a blessing.
The last 12 weeks have been so much better than those first 24, and I find her much more content now that things are more normal. However, that horrible nursing aversion was still present. Not every time, but I could still only breastfeed so much until I had to—had to—stop. This was upsetting to my girl, especially at bedtime. In fact, in recent weeks, it was getting worse: such that I was having shorter and shorter periods of time where I could nurse before the aversion was too much. Despite my long-standing perseverance, determination, and all the ups-and-downs we’ve pushed through, two weeks ago, I was unsure I could continue to breastfeed her. I honestly could not believe I could even entertain that idea, but I also wasn’t sure how I could go on if things continued to get worse, in the aversion area.
Many, many months ago, I learned that lots of women take magnesium supplements as a way to combat nursing aversion. I had gotten a dosage recommendation from my midwife. But I had’t gotten any, for no particular. In desperation, I made it a priority.
I took 500 mg (half of my planned daily dosage), and, upon leaving the room after nursing Gwendolyn to sleep, realized I’d nursed—no problems—for an hour. I couldn’t hardly do 10 minutes before. I had know about this solution for months. How many hours of physical and mental anguish had I cause myself by not just getting magnesium earlier?
That was just a couple of weeks ago, and I can honestly say it’s been a massive help. I still get a tiny, tiny bit of aversion, and some general pregnancy pain from nursing on occasion, but we are literally so close to pre-pregnancy normal; it’s astounding.
If you’re a nursing mama dealing with nursing aversion, go get yourself some magnesium. I’m taking 1,000 mg a day, but you can see if half that works for you, like it did for me. Also, making sure you are well-hydrated, and fed can make a huge difference. Physical distraction—for me, foot rubs were a huge life-saver—is also effective.
I’ve heard people quitting due to pain while pregnant, but I really never expected to have 3 horrible bouts. I didn’t even know that was a thing.
Nursing is the only, only way my toddler goes to sleep; it’s her comfort. Breastfeeding her has been so special to me; and it’s been my goal of maintaining our relationship, and of fostering a close sibling relationship that has helped me push through, despite everything. And now, it seems we’re actually, truly through the worst of it. I am just so relieved and happy.
I know this is a slightly less upbeat pregnancy post, but it is our journey of pregnancy breastfeeding, and the ending is a pleasant one. My girl and I are so much better together now that I’ve got things sorted out, and I am excited to bring her brother into the mix, and share those special bonding experiences with the two of them.
Did you nurse throughout pregnancy? If so, how was it for you? I’d love to hear your experience!
And if you are trying to breastfeed thought and need a little help, please—don’t wait—try some of the solutions I mentioned; get relief sooner than I did. In the end, getting back to that smooth breastfeeding relationship with your little is completely worth it.
