The internet is ablaze! How can this be?! Marie Kondo, the tidying queen, said she has “Kind of given up…my home is messy”! I don’t think I have ever seen any single headline so many times across every feed, group, or had this sheer number of Facebook friends posting about one thing.
To people who have dabbled in the KonMari Method (I make the distinction of dabbled purposefully), perhaps this is a bit confusing. I saw a comment that read, “Good for her, but I’m a bit confused why she’s changing course after building a career out of tidying”. I hope that those who are passionate about the KonMari method are collectively sighing, or bashing their heads against the screen in response.
It seems those who haven’t bothered with Marie Kondo’s tidying methods are all feeling baselessly vindicated, “See! It was never sustainable with children! My stressful mess is justified!” (And to be clear: it is. No one forced you to tidy.) But this isn’t the news everyone and their dog seems to think it is.
In the interview, Marie says, “Up until now, I was a professional tidier, so I did my best to keep my home tidy at all times. I have kind of given up on that in a good way for me. Now I realize what is important to me is enjoying spending time with my children at home.”
I read this, and it felt like a nothing-burger, having read The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up a few times, as well as Spark Joy, Joy at Work, and her latest—and positively delightful—book Kurashi at Home.
See, the e n t i r e point to the KonMari method of tidying is to rid yourself of things holding you down, or back, and using that momentum and newfound clarity to create the lifestyle you want. Not to be an extreme minimalist. And she also clearly says that you can’t tidy other people’s things (your children are their own people).
At the start of Life-Changing Magic, she insists that you first write down the life you want at the end of your tidying journey. Obviously, it would be super easy to not bother, or to maybe just mull it over in your head. I think lots of people have done that. I considered it, but she was so insistent, I did as she instructed. The reasoning for this is to help you figure out what you really want in your life. ‘Just less stuff’ isn’t really a lifestyle. She provides lots of wonderful examples in her books, so I would recommend your just read them to learn more. By figuring out where you would like to be, you will better be able to see a path to that destination. I have done several KonMari tidying festivals over the years, and have written a vision for my life each time, and found it really useful. It hasn’t changed dramatically, but it helps me re-center myself when I’m thinking about what I want to have going on in my life, and how I want my home-life to be.
In Kurashi at Home, Marie talks about how things have changed for her since having kids, and how that’s made her priories, and home-life rhythm different (which I loved, being a parent myself). She, again, has readers consider what it is they want to put in order in their lives. The book is divided into parts, and she specifically goes into helping you figure out how to create a morning, afternoon, and evening that promotes Kurashi (which is more or less ‘the ideal way of spending your time’).
As life changes, your priorities and needs of your family, and your own desires and goals will change. It’s no different for Marie Kondo. But does this mean her house is an out-of-control pile of toys that is impossible to navigate? I am willing to bet money it isn’t. To me, as someone who has related a lot to her, it seems like she’s not prioritizing a perfectly clean + tidy house at all times. Her life is already largely in order from tidying, and the lifestyle she’s crafted.
When I only had one child, I was easily able to stick to a cleaning routine. However, even though my youngest is now 3, I still am not back to that schedule. I do have hope that I will get back to that someday, but right now, unfortunately, cleaning bathrooms is never a top priority. Throughout the years (7, to be exact) of tidying, I have learned that, after a few years, you end up with more clothes and shoes that wear out and need to be tossed, but that’s on my books for ‘later’, too. In our house, we have a ‘trash counter’ (literally the counter above the trashcan) that always ends up with stuff on it, that needs to be sorted through every few weeks. These days, I’m chronically behind on laundry. We still often do our nighttime tidy-up, but sometimes we don’t, and the kids’ art supplies are all over the dining room table, and their rooms and littered with every toy they own. Is it ideal, no? But we just went out the other night, and had a blast together, and that was what was more important. And I think T H A T is what Marie Kondo is getting at.
Life with kids gets messy. Marie Kondo has even touched on that in the past. But just because your focus is on spending time with your kids, doesn’t mean the KonMari method isn’t extremely valuable, or won’t help you reach your goals. Lots of people with kids undertake the task.
I’ve shared it in it’s own post before, but my goal for my home + life last time I did a tidying festival a few years ago is the same today:
– a clean, verdant space with plenty of room to play, and enjoy family time –
And that would not be possible if I had not done the tidying work I have to ensure I don’t have stress-inducing amounts of stuff I don’t use, want, or like cluttering our space. Things will always need tidying, but the key is reducing to a manageable amount of mess!
So, if you’re wanting to actually commit to the KonMari method, but these headlines shook you, I give you my word that it’s absolute life-changing, and worth the effort. Send me a message, or drop a comment if you have any questions, or need encouragement. And, if you know me irl, I’m always happy to help out when others are wanting to do KonMari, though messages, or in-person, as support.
But for those people feeling wickedly gleeful; or saying that the KonMari Method is naturally an impossibility if you have children; or tutting and feeling superior thinking that Marie Kondo and her Method, and all the goodness they’ve brought are somehow a failure:
To be clear, I, obviously, don’t know know Marie Kondo, or what’s actually going on in her life. Even if her house was american-consumerism levels of out-of-control (which can happen, especially when you add another family member), that doesn’t mean her method doesn’t work. That doesn’t mean she didn’t know enough about life with kids before (she has two older ones); or that her method doesn’t work when you have kids, or that she is being humbled “so ha”. It means she has looked at what’s supporting Kurashi for her, and what isn’t, and rebalancing. Reevaluating, as we all should at different times throughout lives.
