Rhythms and rituals are so important to family life, and I want to share one with you that we’ve been doing for several years now.
Every evening, during dinnertime (or lunchtime, if that’s our big meal; or dessert if it happens to come first!), we ask three questions. I can no longer remember where I got the idea originally, if this is from Simplicity Parenting, or The Little Book of Lykke, or some other parenting book. Regardless, we had noticed that, as we moved away from watching TV during dinner as a couple, to sitting at the table as a family—that has been together all day anyway—we had had a hard time making any conversation, or connecting in a meaningful way. Just sitting at the table, with nothing much to say is not really conducive to any sort of relationship-building. Now, years into doing this, there are loads of days when we’ve already chatted, or have had uneventful days, but asking three questions still gives us a chance to reconnect, and share something with each other.
These are our questions:
1. What was your favourite part of the day? – this is a great way to reflect on what went well, and it’s fun to hear what mattered the most to each person. There are days when at least one person has a hard time thinking of something they really enjoyed, but, even if it’s just, “eating with everyone right now,” or, “I guess taking it slow getting ready this morning,” it’s an easy way to practice a little non-toxic positivity, or share something that meant something to you.
2. What was something nice you did for someone, or that someone did for you? – Originally, this was also meant to include any ‘good news’ you may have heard, but our kids are so little that we reduced the scope. Plus, focusing on how you made someone’s day better, or how someone took take to think of you, I think, helps remind you of your value. It is rare when no one can think of anything for this category, because it’s common enough for someone to: pick up without complaining; wash dishes; make Crio Bru; or lend a hand for someone else in the family.
3. What’s something your grateful for today? – this is different from just ‘favorite part of the day’, because it’s not just something you liked doing, or something nice that happened (though that can work, too), it’s specifically feeling grateful for a situation, a thing, or each other.
Though these are simple questions, they can help you realize how well your day went, while catching each other up on everyone’s goings-ons; or help you find that silver lining on a ‘bleh’ day.
The kids l o v e this tradition, and often are the ones to start us off. If we’re at someone else’s for dinner—and there’s not other conversation going in full-force yet—or we have guests over, we always have to explain the questions, because the kids want to hear from everyone about their days, too! Even when we go out to eat for dinner, it’s easy to ask our dinner questions as a conversation starter while we wait for our meal.
If you’re needing some way to fill silence at dinner, or just want to reconnect as a family in a simple way that is easy for everyone to feel good joining in on, I highly recommend you give our 3 dinner questions a try!
